I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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