isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
