Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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