I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
