im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
