This girl is more easily done than said...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize
