I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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