hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
