she woke up with a sticky ear
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
