I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize