maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
