dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
