The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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