Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
