you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
