Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
