im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
