i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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