Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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