like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
