Where is the hickey?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
