He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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