she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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