You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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