either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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