He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
