Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
