I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
