he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
