Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
