U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
