I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
