Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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