I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
