So drunk its hurt
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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