Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
