White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
