so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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