We got so high we made milksteak
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize