ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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