And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
