Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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