i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sorry about my life...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
