i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
