jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
