Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
