Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
