So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
