It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Is it because I queefed?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
