I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
