I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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