I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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