She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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