Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
