you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
