My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
