Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
