Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
