I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
