bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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