I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
