i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
