he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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