When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
