"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
