.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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