I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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