The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you traded sex for a burrito?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
