from now on my penis is your penis
kristin has been a bad kristin
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
