Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
