So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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